This is for all you arrogant book-readers: fuck you!
First off let's make this clear, although I'm not an avid book-reader, I have nothing against reading books. It's a form of entertainment for some people, that's cool. Some people watch TV, others play video games, and some are involved in athletic activities. Whatever floats your boat, it's fine with me.
The problem emerges when these book-lovers get up on their high-stool and act as if they're the shit because they read books and you don't. They believe that reading books makes you intelligent, or some bullshit like that. Don't get me wrong here, if you're reading a book about how to code C++, my hat goes off to you; you're actually learning something and being productive. If you're reading the Twilight series and you're bullshitting me about your productivity, fuck you.
Okay, listen, just because I enjoy watching TV or playing video games instead of reading a fucking fantasy book doesn't make me any less productive than you, asshole.
If your argument lies within you being more productive than me because I'm watching TV rather than reading a book, you need to put that piece of shit you call a novel the fuck away, and learn some fucking common sense. Why? Because whether you're reading a book or watching TV, your lazy ass is sitting down, motionless, doing absolutely nothing except relaxing and enjoying the story in front of you. You are in no way being more productive because you're reading your story and I'm listening to my story.
And if you're going to argue that reading a book is more productive than playing video games, shoot yourself. What are you doing? You're reading a fucking story. What am I doing, I'm interacting with a fucking story. Your story is a static piece of shit in which the outcome is predestined to whatever the author wanted it to be. You sit there, cuddled up in your Snuggie, eagerly waiting to find out what happens between the vampires and werewolves as the story unfolds. My story is an dynamic masterpiece, constantly changing depending on every decision I make. I sit there constantly checking every pixel of my screen, just so I don't miss out on any small detail that may drastically change the outcome of my story. Your book's story is a piece of shit fantasy, and in the end, what did you gain from it? Nothing, except maybe some entertainment and that shitty feeling you get when something you love suddenly expires. My video game's story, it's always on-going; even if it ends, I can still continue to play, enjoy, and be entertained. What did I gain? I gained a shitload of experience in quick-decision making skills, better eye-to-hand coordination, and a fucking great deal of entertainment.
Fuck you book-readers, I am more productive than you.
As if spamming their Facebook profile with pictures of their newborn baby wasn't enough for parents, they now make Facebook profiles for babies too. Yes, you heard me. Parents make Facebook pages for their newborn children. Are you fucking kidding me?
When I first saw this, I thought it was a joke. It's not. They are really serious about it; they make their newborn children separate Facebook pages. Why? A lot of people seem to do it because they want a place where they can upload photos of their babies. And making a Facebook for their baby is almost like making a childhood photo album. That's alright, except for one key factor. Why the fuck don't you just upload your baby's photos to your own Facebook profile? It's a lot more logical, and a lot more easier too. Making a new account makes no sense for this reason, so there must be another reason as to why they make them a new separate account.
Others argue that they are giving their kids a head start at the online community of social networking sites. Seriously, what the fuck can a six month old baby do with a Facebook account? Nothing.
Alright, so I've already made my point about how useless and necessary making a Facebook account for a baby is, but it's not really why this annoys me so much. This annoys the hell out of me because of one major reason: role-playing. I understand that you may think it's cute to make a profile for your baby, but please, shut the fuck up with the role-play status updates. And don't fucking comment on my posts with your baby account. Okay, we got it, you're excited and shit that you have a newborn baby, but you don't need to pretend that you're the fucking baby with the account and post everywhere with it. And to top it off, some people even type like a baby. What? "Goo goo, ga ga." You're not a fucking baby, and you're not Lady Gaga, so shut the fuck up; I don't want to see that shit on my page.
Seriously, are you trying to embarrass and mentally scar your child for life? "Of course not, I just thought it would be cute if they have their own Facebook." It's not cute, it's fucking stupid.
Oh, and to top it off, people even make Facebook accounts for their unborn babies. Yes, you heard me. They slap a picture of their fetus up on Facebook and go around role-playing with it. As if role-playing as a baby isn't disturbing enough, you have to go around and role-play as a fucking fetus? That's fucking sick.
At some point in your life you may have seen some kids on the street corner with a box of chocolate in their hands trying to raise money for some cause. It's pretty nice, they're raising money for some cause, probably for their school or something similar, and the chocolate bars are pretty cheap too, normally a dollar a bar. A buck for a bar of chocolate's not too bad, and it usually tastes good too because it comes from some rich fund raising company.
And now we have the second type of fundraisers. These are usually older, and are fund raising for a sports team. From experience, it's always a basketball team that they're trying to raise money for. The people trying to raise money are also usually black too, so the whole basketball team idea fits the description. I hate this type of fundraisers.
Why?
Well, first of all, they don't even sell the good candy bars that you get from a classy fund raising organization. I don't feel like eating M&M's and Hershey's all the time, that's why I fucking love fundraiser chocolate; it's something different.
Second off, they try to rip you off with their prices. Two dollars for a fucking pack of M&M's? And they're not even the ones with almonds in them! Are you fucking kidding me? I can walk into the deli right behind you can buy some for about a buck.
Third off, they're persistent and annoying as fuck. I actually did buy a pack of M&M's from one of them once; it cost me two bucks. I passed by them, went into a store to get something, came back out, and this guy's asking me to buy more candy from him. Seriously? I just did you a fucking favor and bought your shit five minutes ago, how the fuck are you going to ask me to buy more?
Fourth off, they're black. When I say black, I mean the ghetto ass black; the one that nobody likes. I can see your ass, pull your pants up. How the fuck do you even play basketball like that? Seriously, I bet that candy box is your cover for hustlin' on the corner. Either that, or you probably stole that box of Snickers from the Rite Aid down the street because I was just in there and they're all out of Snickers. Now I have to buy that shit from you at twice the price. Fuck it, I'm not hungry anymore; I'm not grabbing a Snickers.
Fifth off, they never never tell you jack shit about their basketball team. What, you guys don't even have a name for it yet? You need to raise money to come up with a name too? Pathetic.
Let's leave the fund raising to kids shall we? At least they know how to handle their shit.
